[The four main characters are sitting around at home watching reality shows on TV. They are bored out of their minds. Cigarettes is holding a cup of Pepsi filled with only water.]
{On TV screen}
Snooki: I am so much better than you, bitch!
Girl 1: Get out of my face!
[Snooki and Girl 1 start fighting.]
{In real life}
Ren: (groans) This show is ass.
Gil: All reality shows are ass, Ren.
Cigarettes: (drinks some water) Well, there must be SOMETHING to do.
{On TV}
Announcer 1: It's here! The movie you've been waiting for since 1996!
Announcer 2: Duke Nukem Takes Tacoma!
Duke: The name's Duke Nukem, and I'm gonna kick your ass.
Announcer 1: Coming January 31, 2011!
Announcer 2: If you miss this, you're a fucking douche bag!
[Commercial ends.]
{In real life}
Cigarettes: Holy shit, guys! I've thought of something we could do! We could go see the new Duke Nukem movie tomorrow!
Gil: To think that the guy who originally played Duke Nukem portrays Big the Cat in the Sonic franchise.
Stimpy: I never knew that.
Gil: Now you do.
Cigarettes: (to Gil) Since when have we been talking about that? (to everyone) Anyway, I think that'd be the coolest thing ever!
Ren (grinning): Not a bad idea there, Ciggie.
Cigarettes (embarrassed yet somewhat angry): Don't call me that. That's what my mom called me as a kitten.
Ren: What was her name? Heroin? (bursts out laughing)
[Stimpy laughs with him.]
Cigarettes (angry): No! Goddammit, Ren, quit being an asshole! Besides, my mom's name isn't derived from a drug! Her name was Lucille!
Ren: Only the L in LSD! (continues laughing, now beginning to wheeze)
[Cigarettes angrily pours out the cup's contents all over Ren.]
Ren (angry): HEY! What the hell is your problem, you sick little monkey?!
Cigarettes (irate): I hate it when you pretend you're the greatest thing in the world just because you're a smartass! And I'm sick of it! (looks at Gil) Were you laughing, Gil?
Gil: No. I agree, what he did was uncalled for.
Ren: (to Gil) Your FACE is uncalled for.
Gil (somewhat vexed): (to Ren) YOU are uncalled for.
Stimpy: Ooh! Burn!
Ren: (to Stimpy) Shut up, you idiot.
[Someone knocks at the door.]
Man: I got a free ticket for a...Mr. Cigarettes?
Cigarettes (serene): Yes, sir. I'll be right there.
[Cigarettes goes to the door and opens it.]
Cigarettes: Hello. Can I help you?
Man: Yes, I have a ticket to that Duke Nukem movie with me. (hands Cigarettes the ticket) You can take only one other person with you.
Cigarettes: Wow, thanks dude! Hey, who are you?
Man: You ain't seen me, kid...
[Man vanishes into the night.]
Cigarettes: I ain't a kid. I'm twenty years old.
[Cigarettes closes the door.]
Gil: Who the fuck was that guy?
Cigarettes: Like I'D know. That asshole didn't even have the balls to tell me his name. But that's besides the point. I got a free ticket to that Duke Nukem movie coming out tomorrow! And I can take only one of youse with me!
[Ren and Stimpy immediately try to persuade Cigarettes to take them with him. Gil just stands there and watches.]
Ren: Take ME to the movie. I've always been super cool to you.
Cigarettes (disbelieving): Always?
Ren: Okay, sometimes. But I'm still available for that movie.
Stimpy: No way, dude! I can totally go with you! I've treated you tons nicer!
Cigarettes: What about that time when we were in kindergarten and you blamed me for setting Steven on fire?
Stimpy: Good point...
Cigarettes: I'm taking Gil with me.
Ren and Stimpy (simultaneously) (outraged and surprised) WHAT?!
Gil: WOO HOO!
Ren: (to Gil) Shut up, Gil! (to Cigarettes) Why can't you take me nor Stimpy to the movies? We've been your pals for longer than Gil has!
Cigarettes: At least he treats me like a person and not like a pile of furry turds that not even flies go near.
[Gil runs up to Cigarettes and hugs him out of appreciation.]
Cigarettes (embarrassed and confused): Ey, let go of me. I ain't the hugging type.
Gil (embarrassed): (lets go of Cigarettes) Sorry.
Cigarettes: S'alright. We'll go to the movies tomorrow.
[Cigarettes and Gil head to their room.]
Ren: Stimpy, you know what we must do?
Stimpy: What's that, Ren?
Ren: We've gotta kill Gil in order to get into that movie.
Stimpy: But Ren, he's just a kid. Besides, Cigarettes is right. Gil HAS treated him better than the both of us have.
Ren (tantalizing): C'mon, Stimpy. You know you wanna see that movie.
Stimpy: I do, but I don't wanna kill Gil over it.
Ren: That's a damn shame, because I wanted to see that movie, too. Oh well. I guess none of us will.
Stimpy (giving in): (sigh) Alright, fine. But I don't wanna kill Gil.
Ren: Let's take the ticket tonight while Cigarettes is sleeping. Okay?
Stimpy: Sure thing. (thoughts: I've got a bad feeling about this...)
About Me
- Gilbert Martinez
- I am sixteen years old with some experience on the web. Although I'm no geek, I'm pretty knowledgeable.
No comments:
Post a Comment